Medication is always a risky topic, but a lot of people rely on this little helpers. Involving me too.
I started taking meds in November 2016 and I had a pretty rough time accepting that I need them. As I wrote in the therapy-story I started with a light mood changer from my family doctor. I was also one of those people, who were striktly against any medications, because I have a long and bad past with painkillers and I refused to take anything which will change my feelings. This opinion have a lot of people, because it’s fucking scary – taking a pill, which change your feelings and works it’s way through your brain. And that is totally okay to feel that way.
It have to be an decision you want to make and you have to feel good with it, nobody else. At that time I was in a deep hole and just wanted to have some branches to help me climbing up again. So I started with the medication. The first pills were okay but after a few weeks they lost their effect because my mental state was so bad. It always takes time to figure out what is the right medication for you.
When I moved to Leipzig I immedialy looked up psychiatrists and found a wonderful fitting one. I had a good feeling with her and really liked the way of our communication. We started to figure out which is the biggest problem that I want to fix with the meds. Because of my multiple disorders I had to find out which needed to be treated the most.
I started testing out various supplements against my depression and insomnia. These were the most troubled issues I had. Without knowing the diagnose Borderline, I handled this illness pretty good. Maybe because of just think that this behaviour would be a part of my character or temper. I started taking Venlafaxin, an antidepressant which I’m still using every day. The familiarization was pretty hard, but my doctor warned me of this state. The first two weeks I felt horrible, I was dizzy and tired all the time, I had troubles with my circuit and felt sick most of the time. But that’s a total normal reaction, because you bring in a substance to your body and brain, that needs to be accepted from it. This needs time and after the two weeks I felt the effect. I had a motivation push half an hour after taking them. This helped me so much to get my lazy ass out of bed, also it calms down my over-sensibility. I’m still overreacting about senseless things, but not in this hysteric way like before. I’m really pleased with the effect of my medication.
But important to notice is, that medication is just one part of a good therapy. These pills are helpers that takes part in your bio-chemical business, but you need also a therapy in conversation with a psychotherapist to clear out the source of these Illnesses and the reasons for your behaviour.
I’m aware of this fact and I’m working towards a life without medication in the future. But in the moment I need them to make sure that I can handle my daily life.
(Sidefact: I’m also taking meds every night because of the insomnia I have for almost twenty years now. And I have a supplement for psychotic pushs at night, which I have also since my childhood.)
Today I’m still taking a daily dosis of Venlafaxin and Mirtazapin at night. In May I’m going to start taking a medication of my Borderline Disorder.
I’d love to present you more experiences with medication through other perspectives. So if you want to share your story (anonym is also legit), write me a mail!
Candy Wasteland 